Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat.Nuts. Psychologist: What brings you here today? Q: What's invisible and smells like nuts? Q: What do you call a man named Alvin who has monkeys that stole your potato chips? Q: How do you catch a chipmunk for the holidays?Ī: Climb a tree and act like a green pistachio nut.Ī: Climb a tree and act like a metric nut. Q: How do you catch a mechanically inclined chipmunk?Ī: Climb a tree and act like a 9/16 12N nut. Q: How do you catch a chipmunk with a Pamela Anderson fixation? Q: How do you catch a Polynesian chipmunk?Ī: Climb a tree and pretend to be an almond (botanically speaking, almonds are fruits). Q: How do you catch a chipmunk interested in ornithology?Ī: Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch (Sitta carolinensis). Q: How do you catch a carpenter chipmunk (definition: a chipmunk that likes power tools)?Ī: Go to Home Depot and pretend to be nut-wood. Q: What do you call 144 chipmunks in a box? Q: Why shouldn't you let Alvin drive a boat? Q: Why couldn't the chipmunk eat the macadamia nut? Q: Why did the chipmunk take apart the classic car? Q: How does Alvin the Chipmunk like to drive a car? Q: Why don't chipmunks wear skinny jeans? Q: Why did the chipmunk sleep under the car?Ī: There might be a chipmunk in there looking for nuts. ![]() Q: What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips? Q: Why do Chip N Dale sit on their butts all day? Q: Why can't you be friends with a chipmunk? Q: Why does it take more than one chipmunk to screw in a lightbulb? Q: How many chipmunks does it take to change a light bulb?Ī: Actually, none because chipmunks only change bulbs that are NUT broken. ![]() The Drunk says, "Relax, the chipmunk is a ventriloquist"Ī: To prove to the possum that it could be done! The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?" The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat."The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat. The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The barkeeper points tothe drunk who is passed out on the floor. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night."The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the chipmunk." The chipmunk starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chipmunk and places him behind the piano. "Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you"Ī drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is." today I'm taking them to the beach!"Ī policeman caught a nasty little boy with a bb gun in one hand and a chipmunk in the other. "I thought I told you to take these chipmunks to the zoo yesterday?" The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of chipmunks, and they're all wearing sun glasses. "You can't drive around with chipmunks in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately." But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant leg and said, 'Should we eat or take them with us,' I screamed."Ī police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of chipmunks. "I was when the snake bit me," the man said. "I thought I told you to be quiet!" he said. ![]() ![]() So he did.īut when the first man got 100 yards away, he heard a scream. The avid hunter told city boy to sit down and not make a sound. One had been an avid hunter hunting all his life, the other man was a city boy hunting for the first time.
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